Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
