I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
