i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
