Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
