I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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