Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
