My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
