Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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