Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
