Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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