32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
