Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
