i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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