It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
