Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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