Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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