I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
