i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
