we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
