I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize