its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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