"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
