You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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