I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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