so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
