remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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