Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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