one word: firstdatebathroomanal
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
