i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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