i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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