matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
