Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
