just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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