it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
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Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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