we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
