I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
