Don't make out with my wife yet
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize