Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
