So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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