U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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