one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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