Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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