i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
