Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
