If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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