Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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