if you like me you must not know who I am
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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