the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
