took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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