I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
