Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
