These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
