i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You're like the curious george of whores
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
