Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
