dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
