K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
