A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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