I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I need to align my fucking chakras
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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