I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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