wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
