you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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