Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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