it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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