You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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