So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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