My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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