big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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