do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
