A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
