I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
