no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
