we have pet lesbian snakes
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
