I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
