people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
