i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
