I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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