I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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