Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
