i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
